Saturday, September 01, 2007
*.* Patience *.*
Dear Lord
You have been patient with me in my humanness and stubbornness,
yet I'm constantly impatient, to want the answers now, now now.
Sometimes it's just so hard to wait, to wait for your answers to my prayers.
Lord, Prompt me to have more patience in times of trouble.
Teach me not to search for answers which cannot be given now for I will not be able to live with it.
Lord, you’ve heard and grandly answered my long time prayer.
Are you ignoring me, or simply refusing to give me my heart’s desire because
you’ve answered and gave, yet I did not cherish?
Lord, teach me to wait with faith,
teach me to live with the questions and
wait patiently for your answers.
Amen.
Can you hear me? @ | Saturday, September 01, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
*.* The voice that touches my soul *.*
Read through the conversations we had before..one of them saved as 'my most touching conversation'..reading through over and over again, ingrained all into my pea brain.... why now when you've lost it.....
"If the days won't allow us to see each other, memories will, and if my eyes can't see you, my heart will never forget you."
Con tu adios, te llevas mi corazon Can you hear me? @ | Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
*.* Hope *.*
Sometimes I wonder, why, why do I still stay guard by msn, phone....waiting for that message to pop up? It's all worth it at the end of a day when you can have a short chat to know what the other person's day is like and what's going on around the person......short yet comforting to know all is fine.....
I've not seen him on video for more than a month, wonder how he looks like now....did he lose or put on weight...screening through my phone...the last time I ever received a call from him was during 25th Jul.....been so long so long.....a sec, a min, an hr, a day, a mth, how things change, from lover to stranger....
"Hope is perseverence, believing that something is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary"Is hope a refusal to accept the truth?
I'm tired.....the burning sensation in my eyes...telling me to stop tearing...
Can you hear me? @ | Wednesday, August 29, 2007
*.* Good night *.*
Dear Lord,
Thank you for watching over grandma, she's out of hospital, recovering from home.
Bless her with a speedy recovery.
Thank you for the lovely bonding session with Jeslyn tonight.
Thank you for the lessons of good from the things which I deemed bad.
Lord I’ve learnt how love only needs a spark to get started, but an ongoing care to the fire from going out, it’s only through special care that we can keep it lasting, warm, comforting, life long relationship.
Thank you for the tears of joy and the tears of sadness.
Forgive me for being selfish and unthankful
Forgive me for misdirecting thanks when You give me great things.
Lord, continue to help me give You thinks for everything.
My heart is broken; I need to put the broken pieces into your care. Will you take care of it for me? I want to be able to love again and not be bitter and brittle.
Can you hear me? @ | Wednesday, August 29, 2007
*.* Has the sun gone hidding? *.*
Tuesday is almost over. Spent so much time drafting this audit report only to realize I didn’t save it. Sigh…must have been day-dreaming at work. I’ll have to re-do tomorrow. Final 3 reports to go, I can’t wait to end the 2006 Audit, 2007 audit is coming soon. Despite the little audit knowledge I have, I’m proud to say I have determination. Be it silly questions, embarrassment, I tried, asked and learnt. Tedious it may be but filled me with a great sense of satisfaction.
The fountains looked beautiful tonight as the lights reflected on the water....so calm. Came home to find FF doing sit ups. I love FF! We had an argument on her weight issue last night and both got upset with each other. I meant well for her but she doesn’t understand…tonight we both headed to the gym for a good sisters bonding work out session.
Ever have that sort of feeling where you see someone everyday yet you miss that person. I’m feeling that way now…..people who has never left me yet I’ve neglected them. People who need you and your support yet I’ve insisted on focusing on one who doesn’t need mine.
"
The sun still shine provided you stop wearing an eye shade......."
Can you hear me? @ | Tuesday, August 28, 2007
*.* Will the rainbow appear when the rain stop? *.*
Pink has always been my favourite color, yet it's so depressing to see pink now, Pink just reminded me so much of him, especially how he wore pink polo tee for me. The pink roses, the pink piggy, the pink pendant, the pink sheets, pink purse….everything is PINK….I’ve shared my favourite color with him….
Steph asked me what his reaction was when he received those balloons. I paused awhile, thought about what he said. ‘Sweet, Thanks, Don't know what to say'...that’s about it. My heart sank,no rights to feel disappointed..It reached him too late, too late.
To say I’m fine is all but a lie.心痛..I’m just controlling, tell myself I can’t be drama queen anymore, keep tears to only yourself. Nobody else should see you cry. Tears just welled up in my eyes on the train, rolling off my cheeks on the bus, overflowing in the bathroom …how to fight the tears? I really feel like hugging mummy and cry…we broke up….but I can’t….Learning to deal with problems without worrying others. Bear with it once, bear with it twice….I’ll be able to cope better.
Will the rainbow appear when the rain stops?
“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. Reflecting on the relatinship with smiles and laughters”Can you hear me? @ | Monday, August 27, 2007
Can you hear me? @ | Monday, August 27, 2007
I wonder how is my grandma doing now.
Tonight, there was a family dinner at Jumbo Seafood. I didn't turn up just because............. Parents were not too happy about my absence.
Daddy came home telling me Grandma has been admitted to hospital half way through dinner. Ambulance was called for...she's got highblood pressure and stroke.
Mum's still at the hospital.....
"Dear Lord,
I confess to you tonight that I have not been praying enough, only crying out to You when I encounter difficulties. Lord I seek forgiveness.
Lord, I've been very downhearted recently And I ask for Your help as I come to You. Things have happened to make me feel so sad and blue.
May Your Almighty healing hands touch Grandma and alleviate her of all the pain she's facing.
I pray that You will help now in my time of sadness. Uplift me and bring me comfort. I'm confused because I chose to use my reasoning when I know it's Your Words that I should be seeking for truth.
Lord, I ask you Bless me with the courage to carry on. And may I rest well throughtout this night. For I want to face tomorrow with strength and clear thoughts.... I can't face the day with only my strength....
Amen "
Can you hear me? @ | Sunday, August 26, 2007
*.* A little voice.... *.*
Thinking through the conversation we had today.
Filled with regrets...Everyone has their own regrets in life, this will be one of mine.
He won't be back at year end anymore....
I have only myself to blame, my heart aches..yes, so this is how it feels to have an aching heart..so does his...I'll always remember this lesson learnt..I'm feeling the pain...pain that I inflicted indirectly on him and myself....spitefulnesss...when will I learn...
It hurts to know, we've to be apart for even longer time, yet what hurts the most was ; I was the cause of it all.....I hate myself....
There's no longer a deadline anymore...a time to know if you've loved beyond time...distance....faith..trust....hope.....
A part of me says do I not know better that it wasn't the real him that day, he's a great guy, I have faith in him...I did wrong....I've not given up hope, I ought to try harder....
yet another part of me says let him go,you've hurt him enough, dont confuse him anymore....Maybe part of loving is learning him is to let go....
Ask me why I keep on trying when it's clear that he doesn't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force him to love me more, I can't force myself to stop loving him...
I know I've loving him because I'm seeing him more perfect than before ...
The old me will simply be hating him to comfort myself yet I can't do it ....
a little voice telling me no, because he's a special someone....you can't give up just like that.....
Can you hear me? @ | Sunday, August 26, 2007
Con tu adios, te llevas mi corazon 
I'm tired.....the burning sensation in my eyes...telling me to stop tearing... 
“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. Reflecting on the relatinship with smiles and laughters”
