He no longer see a future, no point in continuing.
My imperfections, he collected and throw them on my face...
Beautiful memories he's given me, he's the best guy I've ever met. The perfect guy, a pity I don't know how to cherish.
I'll move on...I know I will.....
Can you hear me? @ | Saturday, August 18, 2007
What should I say...upset, an understatment....heartbroken......too strong a word, I guess the word is disappointment.....disappointed at this relationship which can't withstand the test of time, withstand the downside, maybe it would have been less painful if I've stood firm on the theory that LDR doesn't work....at least I've tried.
I know this is a point of time when both are being spiteful....Disappointment filled me, as much as I've disappointed him, he's disappointed me....Kept telling myself he won't block me on MSN,it's impossible, he won't be that petty but he proved me wrong. I continued to have faith in him that he won't change his profile on his friendster, he did..'SINGLE',a deep stab on my heart... well I guess that says it all, another of those breakup in silence....my first puppy love ended with a silent break up, my first serious relationship ended with a silent breakup as well....why is it that it can't be said out clearly...why..is it that hard to say? If you dare to initiate, why do you have to do it through little actions like that...
Did some soul searching on the bus home from Bugis just now, or rather last night. Memories just flashed across....how time flies....Missed my 23:44 bus....waited at Bugis bus stops, watching the buses go by....Managed to catch the 00:15 bus....can't remember when was the last time I'm out this late without him...maybe about 3 mths back? Walking on the street at 1am gave me cheap thrill....I've not done that for so long.....maybe it's a sign, sign that I can stand again when I thought I can't do it anymore......
I know my heart is not willing to let go,words and actions said are out of fit of anger.... what is the reason for ending this relationship...I don't know... but I'm convincing myself that I should...
Maybe he'll be happier finding someone new there, one who can take care of him, be there for him constantly......he'll have more time with his car....more time for his games......he doesnt have to suffer anymore to cramp his subjects and enjoy his uni life to the fullest......I'm only a burden...like he said before he doesn't need my support......he doesn't...
He came, he picked, he dropped....
Thank you..you've proven to me that fairytales do come true....
Can you hear me? @ | Saturday, August 18, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Guess this relationship has hit its limits, it's time to decide where to head from here.
What is God trying to tell me? I prayed for a guy with all the criterias and He me more than I ever wanted. On second thought, I've only asked for the external factors...what about the internal....I urged to paint the picture perfect, but physically painting might be a better alternative, you learn the details of everything on the picture, training your patience at the same time, you learn to cherish this picture even more...
Why did I refuse to listen/believe what comments from others on him and this R/S? I turned a deaf ear against all, I have only myself to blame....I refused to believe and listen because I want to find out myself, prove them wrong....I guess I've only proven myself wrong....
His grudges against me has piled up over time, he's not willing to forgive nor point out..His words are like darts on me, shooting at me at again and again....
A guy once thought he's doing me good by snobbing me, wanting me to learn the hard way and be independent. Now again, he gives me cold shoulder to let me learn my lesson.. Guess what, I doubt I'll change..I use to think it lies with the guys but I guess it's about me....If he's are not willing to accept the me, at least show mercy and not hurt me further.
It's time to let go and not be a burden, leave him to pursue his dreams, his want for Masters and working in US.I'm not the one for him...my patience is zero..I've been thinking things over, I know myself too well,I'm not ready for another 1 or 2 years of long distant relationship..I just can't do it....what was his purpose of finishing soon? He said was for me...to be back with me....what's the point of telling me he wanna do Masters etc...is that for me too? Evrything is for me yet I don't feel it...I'm confused......I have to stop deceiving myself, he won't be back at year end...Sometimes you can feel it, yet you refuse to admit, awaiting for the truth to be spoken.....self denial....
Guess we've both tried, it doesn't work out...no regrets.. I cannot imagine being with someone who bear grudges against me.I fear.....He told me Love is all about sacrifices..he deemed that he's sacrificed more than me...what makes him think that I won't in the near future.....he's passed his judgement too soon...I asked him the same thing, Do you think I love you more than you do, he said I can't compare...then why is he comparing the sacrifices? He said I've wasted his dad's car petrol money, please tell me this was not from him..Till today, he's still upset about me not turning up at the airport...I guess if a guy truly loves you, he'll protect you at all cost and not want to see you tear...especially at parting, wouldn't he be leaving with a heavy heart....
Can you hear me? @ | Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
A weekend full of thoughts, thoughts on the past, present and future...or rather recalling memories again...Why have I mellowed down so much over over the last few years.
Be it stress, saddness, I've gradually learnt to keep it to myself. In the past,whenever I'm stress at work, upset, I'll tear and throw tantrum at home, my whole family had to give in to me. Gradually I learnt that I have to show my parents that I can do it, prove them wrong, I know it's a tough journey at the start of career and I'll endure all I can....and never to show your unhappiness at home no matter what happens, hide below the blanket, sob to sleep and you'll be fine. Seeing your behaviour will only build up more worries for your parents.
Suddenly, I finally understood what those comments about me were all about.Those guys were right, I'll mellow down once I start work. I've been to sheltered, I've not experienced storms, I'm not matured....these were the comments from guys who I thought I was a xiao mei mei during uni days....
Are these all signs of maturity? Am I a late developer...took me so long to reach this stage.....oh well, at least I've enjoyed a longer period of carefree days....^_^
In a few weeks time, I'm gonna turn 24, 24!!!oh my gosh, second round of the pig cycle. No intention for birthday celebration tonight, I just want it to pass quietly. Think I've reached the stage that I shouldn't be celebrating birthdays anymore..I've grown up remember...
Sunday blues and Monday blues, A good night sleep and it's a brand new week again, cHEer Up...Buck up Angie~ the battle begins tomorrow again.
14 weeks to go before I see my bald wonder again....
Can you hear me? @ | Sunday, August 12, 2007
My new look....head feels so much lighter now, maybe this might help me to think better tomorrow. ..I know Im gonna regret this cut soon, but at the moment, I'm loving it...
