What a Monday!A screwed up Monday, please give me a good night sleep to end this extremely blue Monday.

Woke up at 4:58am by a nightmare...the song by Kelly Clarkson 'Because of you' kept repeating in my mind. Was it because of the Stephanie's quiz, how I was thought to be those who will take a long time to move on?

The whole dream felt like history repeating itself again, but in a Singapore environment. Dreamt that he was driving me home, not sure why he took this route to see me home. Later, he pulled up and said that I'm home. It was nowhere near my home at all....It was next to a field, naer a school. He began saying how we need to talk...the feeling was exactly the same as in Brissy, next to the river, not near my home yet he pulled over. But this time, I could feel myself turning a deaf ear towards what he said, could feel myself screaming.....and the dream ended.

Didn't know the exact lyrics of the song until now...can't help tearing as I read the lyrics....I've said before..no more tears....it's enough...

Because of you--Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

I'm completely exhausted from the dream, went back to sleep and woke up feeling a sharp pain on my lower back..Ouch, felt like I'm bruised there...aaarrGGhh....somehow like a muscle ache...I must be getting old..or did I take too much cold stuff over the weekend...eermmm...I guess my body is too 'LIANG' again..

Not long after I settled down in the office, I'm practically bombarded with work...shooting at me from all directions....I'm badly wounded at the battlefield today....

Something's not right with my direct boss today, mannn is she having mood swing? As I look at the calendar, I think I'm having mood swing, the feeling of wanting to cry again..the feeling of frustration.AAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, why is it that I can be so busy with work yet she could surf the net etc...I've this thought, next time if I ever become a boss or something, I will not hire married women, women with children family especially....I know that I'm gonna be in that position one day, so dare to venture and 'chiong' right now....I've gotta be running at Gear 5 not 2.

Suddenly, the feeling of being single felt great...it's like a carefree life.
I asked myself 3 years from now, what do you want?
-Complete my CPA Program
-Find my other half with the hope of settling down
-A stable income

10 years from now:
-Be married of course
-2 children (girl & boy...my dream to see a little angie)
-Own house
-Own car (my pinky car)
-Career progression
-Growing spiritually

Are these very hard to achieve? As easy as I may list down, as hard it may seem, but I know only He knows what's best for me. He has shown be, an only step is all you need, He will do the rest. Time and time, He has never fail, He always has something planned for me. His love for me is the greatest...I know the outcome yet I insisted on my way, my own will, indeed, I don't survive for long...there's only so much that I can hang on to. He has shown me, amazed me, by the existence of some people who came into my life. There's so much more that He wants to bless me with...I've been trying, trying to get myself out of that pit...I know I'm seeing the light out there....Thank Him for bringing me people who are pulling me out of the pit....


We need actions of sincerity because they speak louder than words (James 2: 14 - 18).