I had a weird dream last night, dreamt that I was in India, I was terrified, rooted in front of the money changer, holding my wallet tightly, it was crowded, terrorists ready to pull my wallet away, wishing that he'll appear right now. I was helpless.....Being racist in my dream, I mentioned how Vietnam is much better, at least the people are not as dark.

Don't know what to say, don't know what to do, standing at this junction not knowing how to cross the road. Why? I have a million Whys for him...but somethings just do not have an answer. It just is. She said he made up his mind, he decided that he doesn't want to be with you. There's no reason, the reason is he does not want to be with you....why?

Why...no recollection of memories of us in him...
My daily life has traces of him everywhere..sitting where I'm sitting, I can see him, almost as tall as the door,walking into the with a cup of Ribena in a black shirt asking if I want some. The cubicle next to mine, not empty, I can see him asleep with his books, the swimming pool, how we raced...and he has never failed to catch me, the many gulps of chlorine water I had.due to excitment...Dinner at Pasir Ris last wkend, drive up the TPE, Pasir Ris, reminded me of him, the drive to Fishermans village.

Orange Grove, my surprise appearance, a long walk but I know but it will surprise him. There I was, and he didn't realised it was me coz he didn't think that I'll walk this far...
Distant may be very far if one is walking alone from one end to another, but when both are walking towards each other, it shorten........

I've only been waiting at the other side for him, and there he is, walking and walking, tired..he's tired....Why didn't he shout out to me that he wants me to walk up....he wants me to realise...now that I've realised....he said it's too late......

Be positive...now that you know some of the whys, treat this period of a time as a cooling time, to do what you said you will, to emerge with more patience. but I still want to believe it was him that I knew, the image of him has never changed in my heart...the memories shared gripped me so much, how could it not grip him a little at all.....my heart aches at everything that happened....
Memory keeper I will always be.......

To become Stronger than the you of yesterday....