Day and night I've been trying to convince myself that it's only a short while, 15 weeks to go....that's not a long time....I hope this long distant relationship will end soon, long distant no more......if he decides to continue with his Masters, that's a total of 2.5 years wait.......I don't want yet I can't say No....I have to support his decision no matter what it is...Do I have the energy and patience to continue with another 1.5 yrs of wait?......I wonder...and wonder......next I've to wait another 3 years for him to build up his career.....Guess I'll be an old hag by then.....Good things come to those who wait, so wait patiently.......

Living in a virtual world and memories is driving me nuts.....sometimes, you very much want to seek him for comfort yet I know I can't, I'm courting my own death if I do it again....I have to behave.
Blogging has always been the best outlet to voice the inner me...to voice the unhappinesss...feeling constraints which I've never felt before...is this all about endurance and test of my limited patience...? He used to tell me that I can thrash things out if than keeping to myself...but then why is it then when I try to, he doesn't listen anymore...and merely thinks Im throwing tantrum again.....


I must lead my life the way I did, like before he came into the picture.Feel so miserable when I start missing him...my life shouldnt be circling around him....It's so silly, I can't help feeling jealous over....yes over his beloved cars....he has made known to me about his passion for cars, I know it right from the start yet I'm still feeling this way....especially when he goes on the extremes for his cars....what about me? I know he does alot for me but.....can't help it still having that feeling..Comfort myself, he's known the cars and Luki longer than me...I have no right to feel jealous. .I have to stop comparing the him of the past and now...
He has to concentrate on his studies...in the first place, doing 5 subjects is all for me...for he could have opted to do another semester and enjoy uni.

I've never have him by my side without having to count the number of days left together....no matter how much we tried to spend time together , it's never sufficient....seeing each other everyday for 3 mths of the summmer, 1 mth of winter, that 1/3 of a year together, 120 days together.................................